Training to Tidy

First I want to start this blog by saying that if you are reading this to find a way to prevent your children from making messes, this is not the blog for you. I've dedicated many, many hours to training my children so that they can be kids and make a big, healthy mess and not be overwhelmed by the idea of turning around and cleaning it up. That is my goal. Not the prevention of toys in the living room (there are toys in my living room now, actually), but the training of little people to be responsible for their messes, starting simple and starting young. I think most mothers hold the belief that children should cut loose and play and make messes as part of a healthy childhood, and I am definitely among that group. In this blog I'm going to mainly talk about cleaning up *their* things - toys, etc. Chores and such are a different blog altogether, and a subject I'm still learning a lot about.

I usually start around walking age or just before. It depends on the child. Most parents do this in some form. We have always had a basket of baby toys in the living room when there is a baby in our home. The first thing I do is just involve the little toddler in dropping toys in the basket and work up from there. At first, I may plop them down by the basket of toys and give them a pile to put in the basket while I talk and guide. "Here you go! Put it in here like Mommy!" With second, third (or however many you have!) children, big siblings can be an amazing help with this. They usually *love* to praise the baby.

If the little one doesn't mimic my action I put a toy in their hand and help them drop it in and make a big show of praising them and asking if they can do it again. We usually sing The Cleanup Song from Barney and I know it sounds cheesy, but it makes them enjoy it so much more! It's a fun game and that's it. No pressure, no punishment. And I don't extend this exercise for long periods of time. You want to start gently.

Later we may move up to running toys to the basket and making it a race or any other sort of game that has them picking up. The trick here is to just do this casually and somewhat regularly. Don't make it a big ceremony or you will hate it and they will hate it. Praise them a lot! Overdo it, tell them how well they are doing, how big a help they are, how they are getting faster and becoming a "super speedy cleaner" or anything else that makes them feel that pride and confidence.

Eventually you can ask them to pick up the toys that go in the basket and they can do it easily. At that point I will usually push the toys together into something of a group or pile and let them transfer them. Before long, they will be able to run around and collect the toys as well and they won't need any help from you. Do not feel overly rushed to get through these early stages - they are such little people still yet! We're just laying groundwork and shaping good habits.

At some point, when they are able to understand rewards - offer one for their work. I usually say something like, "Would you like some m&ms? Okay, clean up your toys and I'll give you (whatever number)! You are such a fast cleaner, you can do it really fast, I bet!" Little boys, especially, tend to respond to such a challenge pretty favorably. And sometimes they don't feel that favorable - sometimes they don't want to clean up their few little toys, but often with a reward they will do it anyway.

That is a little overview of how we start, but the more daunting job is teaching them to clean their room (dun, dun, DUUUNNNN!).

This training takes time from Mom, no question. It will be less work at first to do it yourself, so it takes some patience and dedication to take the time to teach them, but it is so worth it!

When I was a kid, I would stand in the doorway of my messy room and feel completely overwhelmed. I saw piles of things that I couldn't mentally see as groups of like objects. It took me a long while to see it and break it down into tasks. Because of that memory I've tried to find a way to work my kids up to the ability to see a room full of toys and see a room full of groups of objects. Make sense? Not really? I'll explain.

Note: If you did not start during the toddler years and your child is well able to put toys in a basket, this next phase is where you will want to start with regards to cleaning their own room. As the kids get more and more competent with simple gathering and dumping of toys in a basket, we move to sorting through a messy room. I usually declare that we are going to clean their room and go in with them and quickly divide the things in the floor by the location of where they belong. In my daughter's room, for example, we'll have a pile of baby doll accessories that go in a specific bin, a pile of play food and dishes that go in another location, a pile of books, a pile of dolls, a pile of stuffed animals, etc. Just divide it by its home location.

Then I point to a pile and ask them where it goes and to put it there. Try to be as enthusiastic as possible and offer lots of praise. This is a big job to a small person. You will definitely want to work WITH them at first and slowly work up to less and less help from you.

I do a lot of enthusiastic talking and encouraging. "Look, you just cleaned that WHOLE part of your floor! Wow, doesn't your room look better already? It's so nice to have a clean room! Look how much room you have to play!"

Soon you can help them sort their toys (which truly takes very little time from Mom) and leave the room and periodically check on them to keep them on task.

Another tip is to grab anything that doesn't belong in their room and put it by the door or even toss it into the hallway to handle afterward - that becomes its own "pile" to handle last. With small children, sending them on an out-of-the-room mission to put something away is just tempting them with distraction and opportunities to dawdle.

I have never had to teach the kids to sort the toys into piles themselves. It is kind of a pointless thing for them to do - the purpose of sorting the toys for them to put away is not in the sorting, it is to teach them to know where everything goes and to look at a messy room and see groups objects and be able to mentally divide them.

When they have fully mastered the task of putting away the groups of things correctly (always make them put the toys where they go or you are wasting your time), you can move on to putting things away from one pile. Sometimes this stage isn't even necessary for your child and you can just use it when they have an exceptionally big mess. Just shove everything into one pile and they will be able to put each thing in its place because they have the training to know where it all goes. Before long, no sorting and no piles are necessary and they can clean their room quickly on their own.

I know that this sounds like an exhaustive amount of effort, but it reads a lot harder than it is. Each of these stages take time, and you don't have to rush through them.

My little girl is almost three and we are right between the groups of piles stage and the one big pile stage. If the mess is small, she flies around cleaning it herself with no problem. If it is bigger, she will get overwhelmed so I come in and help her by showing her to pick up all the big things first and then I will put a few things in groups for her. I definitely still help her with the cleaning if maybe she has had company or something and it is just a huge, overwhelming task. My five year old almost never needs help with his room, other than some help with his bed, and a checking over to make sure he was thorough. Again, though, they are still young and I still help them when they have had a friend over to play and the room looks like a war zone, which definitely happens at my house - I don't know about yours. :)

I also want to dedicate a moment to positive reinforcement and dealing with resistance to cleaning. If your child is overly resistant, consider a few things:

One - Are you asking too much of their age? Make sure your expectations are reasonable. Every kid is different and their ability to move through the stages of cleaning will vary.

Two - Are you making them clean up their messes too frequently? Announcing a cleanup every couple of hours for their room will make them burn out quickly. Quick blitz-cleaning of common areas ("Okay guys, I need you to clean up any toys you may have left in the living room, dining room, or hallway!") is a good thing to do, but I have found that obsessing over the state of their room kills their motivation very quickly.

And three - Are they motivated? Sometimes you do just have to make them do their work, but often it's good to break out some positive reinforcement, particularly when they are little. My kids know that if they want to play a game on the iPad, they might as well not even ask if their room isn't clean. That motivates them like nothing else. If you feel that offering a reward for cleaning their room is unnecessary, consider how you potty-train them - with praise and rewards. And then you wean them off of the rewards. You definitely don't need to offer rewards every time, but it is great to pull out something special now and then when you can see that they need a bit of extra motivation.

In summary, work with a goal in mind. My goals are two-fold:

One - Not for them to always have a clean room, but for them to always have the ability to clean their room when asked and the training to take on a task and see it in steps.

Two - For them to see the benefits of neatness and help them to LIKE their room better when it is clean.

Okay, and maybe there is also the fact that I really don't want to clean up after them forever. That may be one of my goals too. :-P

Now if someone can write a blog on how to teach a two year old to stop picking their nose? I'll be all over that.

Mother's Day: To the Dads

It happens every year on the day after Mother's Day.

Many moms get up and go back to the trenches of parenthood, feeling just a little extra inadequate. Yesterday passed, and they watched most or all of their friends get honored, and recognized and spoiled all. day. long. Facebook and Instagram are jammed with photos of roses and candy, designer bags, giftcards to the spa, handmade cards in cute childish script. And they received nothing at all.

I always hear about it from more than one of them -- usually several of them. It was awkward. It was disappointing. They tried not to expect anything, but they couldn't help it. They did. The day is, after all, called Mother's Day, and they are, after all, a mother.

The friends who were honored and lauded can offer little comfort. They don't know what to do other than attempt to be sympathetic. And slowly, these forgotten moms start to dread this huge, unavoidable holiday every single year.

Don't let it be the woman in your life who is forgotten, Dads. It hurts. Probably  more than she will ever tell you. Honor and appreciation can be shown without cash or a debit card. Do something. Do anything.

Write her a letter, sing her a song, put candy in her sock drawer for her to find. Have breakfast cooking when she wakes up, print photos of the children and have them write letters to her on the back with crayons. Or the ultimate gift -- clean the house for her! I promise you, she would love any of these things. It doesn't matter if it's an awkward gift, and it doesn't matter if it's made out of a paper grocery bag and fingerpaint. Believe me when I tell you, your words of affirmation are the ones she wants to hear more than anyone else's.

And please -- please, please, please do not offer the excuse that "mothers should be honored every day of the year." She will agree with you because she doesn't want to seem selfish, but deep down she will feel that you are offering a well-worded excuse to do nothing. Don't do nothing.

Maybe I'm not qualified to write this post, because my husband never forgets Mother's Day. Or maybe I'm exactly qualified, because we know what it's like to have to get really creative because you have very little some years. I promise you can do it. And it isn't as hard as you think.

It's not enough to expect society to appreciate her today with sappy commercials and a discount at the buffet. Society doesn't appreciate her, and that is the problem. Monday she will probably go grocery shopping with a toddler, who may or may not have a complete meltdown in the cereal aisle. Or a baby who may or not have a poo-splosion all over her shirt. Or maybe it's a teen who is about to roll her eyes one too many times. Let her know that you see that!

The worst gift she can receive is nothing at all. And you can totally give her more than that. You're awesome -- that's why she married you. Show her this Sunday that you think she is awesome too.

Happy gifting, Dads.

When I'd Rather Listen

Sometimes I would rather listen than pray.

Prayer can feel complicated at times, when your mind is overwhelmed with things you feel you need to say, requests you need to make, and a multitude of blessings you know you should be giving thanks for. Prayer isn't complicated, though. It's supposed to be simple. At least, that's what I think. I know there are systems we teach -- "enter in" with thanksgiving and praise, being careful to give thanks before making requests, be sure to praise God for who He is, not just what He has done. Those are valid teachings. These ideals instill a mindset that is important.

But sometimes I don't really have it in me to pray. Or maybe, I don't know how to get out what I really need to say.

For example, today. My (almost) five-year-old -- we think he's wonderful, handsome, and intelligent. But he has a pretty difficult tendency. He doesn't like to stop talking. After informing me (while I was in the bathroom, of course) that his sister had spilled her soup all over the table, I asked him to get a paper towel and I would be right there. Micah is usually Mister Helpful. He loves to be involved and help and show us what he can do. Today he took a note from a chapter he has decided to frequent a little too often lately, he decided that my request/command was not appropriately timed and proceeded to argue, quite insistently, that he "had to eat first." Really? You're going to stand there while soup drips all over the floor and I'm trying to get out of the bathroom and insist that grabbing one paper towel is too much of an infringement on your meal schedule? REALLY?

I guess I could have typed that more diplomatically to make myself look better, but that is prettymuch exactly what I felt. By the time I was exiting the restroom, I found him standing there with his hands on his hips, quite determined that he knew best.

The incident (and stubborn refusal to obey) was handled, lunch was cleaned up, and children were sent to nap time and quiet time. Mom is left sitting on the couch wondering how in the world you teach a child, from the earliest reasonable age, to the best of your ability, not to argue back, to obey the first time, and they repeatedly test those expectations. Starting early is supposed to make things easier, right? Is every bit of parenting wisdom I think I have completely wrong?

There isn't much of an analogy to draw here from my son's disobedience to my feelings on prayer. It's more about how I felt afterward. A scripture in James often comes to mind in my parenting dilemmas (James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.). And so I've asked. Repeatedly. And will continue to. And the wisdom does come. I'd like it come faster, truthfully, but it does come.

But sometimes what I need more than to ask -- more than to outline in my own way what God has already seen -- I just need to listen, knowing He already knows. He's seen every exchange, known every emotion (on my part and on Micah's, isn't that a beautiful concept?), watched every attempt at doing things correctly and every moment of pure complacency. So I'd rather just listen. If that means sitting in the short window of quiet I have and just listening and waiting for the peace I know He can give, and the wisdom I've already asked for so many times -- sometimes I'd just rather do that.

What Saturday Means

I think the meaning of Saturday has changed a lot over the years. For me, at least. Scroll back several years into my teens and you'd probably find me still sleeping soundly at this nine-something am time of morning. Scroll forward a bit and early parenthood would probably still find me trying to sleep just as long as possible, probably with a wiggly Micah crawling all over me in bed, as was his custom. Now Micah is bigger, and the children are getting old enough to really seize the day and have fun, not just be entertained.

Today, it's a good Saturday. After a very full week of parenting, mostly solo, Jesse is here. Since he was off in time for our church's fish fry last night, we had a nice little dose of "outing" and now we're hitting the Family Time agenda with all our vigor. Dad and Son are off to procure donuts, much to the delight of every taste bud in this house, and Annie-Bug and I are familiarizing ourselves with the DVR'd options for family viewing later -- so far we've excitedly noted that we have two episodes of The Three Stooges, several selections from The Brady Bunch, and a couple of Looney Tunes. Oh the happy children!

Our day started with the voice of Annie-Joi chattering in her bed at eight o'clock. I pulled myself out of bed and brought her to our room. Jesse and I love to have one-on-one time with the children in the morning when possible (although not too early, please!), and the first child up varies. AJ was the bed bug this morning and she snuggled in with us, giggling and chattering, saying "Hi!" and "I luh-luh!" After a few fun minutes of playing with baby, Daddy got up and took Little Miss to the living room to play while he got his Saturday Morning dose of PS3. I took my time getting out of bed since Micah was still sleeping, then after being summoned when he woke up and informed that "Daddy wants donuts!" from just outside the bathroom door, I hastily dressed Little Man to tag along.

Now I'm dressed, the coffee is started, I'm working (before and after this writing) on a bit of tidying up, and we're waiting here for the boys to return. After spending most of the week working to finish every piece of laundry and necessary housework (well, I got most of the housework done), Mommy is totally ready for a relaxational Saturday.

I'm off to enjoy the coffee, hopefully exactly one donut, and most of all, the day full of my favorite people.

I'm not sure what excursions it will include, or if we'll stay home and clear the DVR, but it's gonna be a good one. I can tell.

Four-Year-Old Q&A

I thought up a list of random questions to ask Micah tonight, and thought it would be fun to record his answers as a four-year-old. I've seen this done before and it's fun to have to read later! I'd love suggestions for additional questions. I'd like to add to it. He seemed to enjoy it and I love hearing his perspective at this age. It's a lot of fun!

What's your name? Micah

Who gave you your name? You (Mommy)

Do you like it? Yes.

If you had to pick a new name, what would it be? I just like my real name.

How old are you? Four

Do you know your birthday? Yes (What is it?) August. (August what?) August, eftember...

What is your favorite color? Llellow (yellow).

Why is that your favorite? Because it's just gold.

Who are your parents, what are their names? Mom and Dad and AJ. (Is AJ your parent?) Well, AJ's my sister, and you and Dad are my parents.

What is your favorite thing to do at home? Play-doh!

What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play in da snow and draw wif da snow bottle and other thangs that I had at our old house.

Do you have a favorite chore or job that you do at home? Hmmm... I like a job like building when I grow up. (Do you have a job you like at home?) Well, sometimes I like building a house for new parents. (For new parents? Why?) Because! That's my favorite thing to do! (Do you not want me and Daddy anymore?) Well, I want you and Daddy still (at this point he reassuringly grabbed my face in his hands), I'm just making it for parents that are new. (Like people who just get a baby?) Yeah! So that's all I like to do. Oh, and crafts. And games.

Are you big or little? Bi... li... little? *belch* I like to burp. (What are you supposed to say?) *giggle* Excuse me!

Do you have brothers or sisters? I have one sister, but I wanted two... I wanted another brother and another sister.

Do you have enough brothers and sisters or do you want more? I want more.

Do you have a pet? Yeah, her name's Mocha. I like to hold Mocha.

Is your pet big or little? Liddow! Just *that* little. This little (holding his thumb and forefinger to show me). She's a little big. Mama, Mocha likes to jump in circles, and she likes to jump really high!

Do you have friends? Hmmm... Gabby and Jessica and Christopher. That's all, but Gabby's friend is Cole and Emilie. (What about at church, do you have friends at church?) Sami and Adam, but Lexi's my girlfriend.

Who is your best friend? Gabby?

Do you like to sing or dance? I like to sing AND dance!

Which one do you like better? Sing AND dance! (You don't like one better?) No. I like two better.

Why? Because! They're my favorite! Like this! (walking around singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star) And like this! (dancing) This is how I dance!

Do you like things to be clean or messy? Clean! Sometimes AJ makes messes wif my toys. That's what she does. And I don't like it when AJ makes messes with my toys.

Why? Because. Because I like startin' to pick up my toys. (Is it so you can have room to play?) Yeah! And why do you poop in your diaper, AJ?

Do you have a favorite animal? Yeah. Dogs. And cats. Cats go MEOW!!! And cats also go *scratch* like this, SCRATCH, SCRATCH!

What is your favorite place to go? The zoo and the park aaaand the store. And also, the popsicle place. (What's the popsicle place?) Sometimes I like going to The Groovy Smoothie. That's from The Fresh Beat Band.

What do you want to be when you grow up? Hmm, a builder.

How old are you when you're grown up? Hmm, five. (Really?) Mhmm. Cuz every day I turn five. (Every day? So when will you be five?) Well... when I have my next birthday. (And that's when you're going to be a builder?) Yeah. So that's all I like. Can I finish my show now?

What's your favorite food? Hmm. Pickles. (Huh-uh) That's really what I like. I really like chicken noodle soup. (What else?) Cheese! Cheese sticks, too!

What do you like to drink? Milk. (Just milk?) Milk and juice and water.

Are you in school yet? Hmm, yeah. (What do you do at school?) Like... trace thangs. (What else?) Write my letters! Like *sings alphabet*.

Diapers and Smurfs in the Amazon

Sorry. Just trying to break up the seriousness.

I am happy to report that our long drought finally saw a break and it stormed and rained all night! Seriously could not have come at a better time. There were fires in various parts of the state that the firemen could hardly control. So, so thankful for rain.

Micah and I had the welcome opportunity to go see a movie together last night. Daddy sent us off to enjoy ourselves and have a little quality time outside of the house!

We saw The Smurfs in 3D. Very cute!

Rockin' our 3D specs.

I can hear it now. "Yo mama so blind she got glasses owwwwn her glasses!"

Yes. I do. I wore two pair of glasses through the whole movie. And it's not the first time, either.

Craaaaaft updaaaate.

This is what I've been currently working on:

 

That first pic looks awful. Yeesh. But you can see the detail in the second. I'm still finishing the tacking aaround the "i" and "n" and then it will be washed and ironed and look much nicer, but this is Gavin's big brother bag! I'm making him a little goodie bag for when his little brother is born at the hospital this November. I plan to make a crayon roll in that matching Cars fabric and add a few goodies!

(for those who aren't aware, Gavin is my nephew, my sister Mandi's son. Mandi is having her second little boy, Joshua, this November. Gavin is 6 months younger than Micah, which makes him three and a half right now)

I am looking forward to making Annika her own tote for little toys and such. It will be my first girly one! Some of you may remember back when I made Micah's. He usually takes it to church just about every service. :) But these are particularly great to take to the library as bookbags for little guys or girls.

I also repurposed the ice cream bucket from the kids' party to make a carrier for Micah's cars. He loved it! Word of advice, though, painting plastic doesn't work so well. It chips off. The car and red and blue decorations around the bucket are decoupaged but the lid is painted. It chipped very quickly. Lesson learned. :)

So, I have been wanting to do a big, long update on how Amazon Mom works and how we save money by buying our diapers and several other things (as needed) online. I don't think the single update on Amazon is ever going to happen, but I did want to show you all how I buy our diapers in case you are interested!

For a long time we saved by buying Wal-Mart brand diapers. They work very well and we still use them occasionally, but I found an awesome alternative to get my diapers very inexpensively and gain something in the process. :)

^^THAT^^ is my diaper order that came today.

Annika is in size 5 diapers now and I paid $26.59 for 168 size 5's.

For those interested, size 4's were the same price and 204 diapers.

Size 6 is the same price and 136 diapers.

I pay a little less than I would buying two boxes of Wal-Mart diapers a month, but last I checked, get just as many diapers.

I get this price by being a member of Amazon Mom (a free account) and by using the subscribe & save option. If you are savvy you can find additional discount codes or use swagbucks gift cards to get your diapers nearly free -- I am not quite that advanced, and I like to use my Swagbucks Gift Cards for other things.

Signing up for a free Amazon Mom account gives you three months of free shipping on any qualifying item. And let me tell you... there are tons of qualifying items (TONS of books!). I think more items qualify than not!

You may ask, "Why would I *want* an Amazon Mom membership, Candi? Why do I need it?"

Let me give you some examples of the things we have saved money by buying on Amazon, items that have also shipped to us free by having this account.

One item I save largely on is printer ink. I do not lie, I bought two full sets of ink (all three colors and a black cartridge) for $5.90!! Two sets! Shipped free! In. Sane.

I purchased Micah's Cat in the Hat hat for his party for around $7 (shipped free) and this item was hard to find elsewhere. It was also $15 before shipping through party suppliers.

  

I purchased the Jesus Storybook Bible for $10.05 -- shipped free -- and it is $24.99 from the publisher.

We purchased an adjustable dog crate for $60 (they are at least $120 in any pet store and we sold it after we were done with it for $50 getting nearly all of our money back).

I purchased a Dr. Mom otoscope for $26 -- this is a great otoscope with an LED light. Love it. I use it all the time if I even suspect an ear infection in either of my kids.

 But here's where it gets good. Every $25 you spend on baby items (like diapers or the otoscope I purchased) gets you another free month for up to a year! We just purchased this car seat for Annika and I earned FOUR months.

 

We paid almost $110 for it. It is almost exactly that price at Wal-Mart (though it costs around $30 MORE at Target) but we saved by purchasing from Amazon meaning we did not have to pay sales tax on this item.

So as I said at the beginning -- I buy my diapers through the subscribe & save option. They send me one box a month and I can cancel or reschedule my shipments with no penalties. I can rearrange them however I need to, including skipping a month's shipment without losing my discount. This is definitely the easiest and best product subscription I have ever had. Super easy to manage, no gimmicks or bizarre fees.

Well... I think you get the idea. I wish Amazon was endorsing me for this glowing endorsement, but I am just so thrilled with the money we save by checking Amazon for some of the most basic items that I have to share. The printer ink alone is a huge money-saver!!

Whew. Well I've been wanting to break that down for ya'll for a while so there ya go. I highly recommend signing up for an Amazon Mom account. We made the decision that we will buy the paid Amazon Prime account when we have earned all of the free months Amazon Mom allows. We easily save the $79 and more in the span of a year.

It's worth a try for free! :)

I hope that benefits you in some way! Have a blessed day!

Micah Day!

 

"It's my birthday!"

They donned their festive wear again and we've been celebrating at home today!

I resolved to make slideshows for the kids this year. AJ's was one song in length. Micah had four years to catch up so his was a bit longer! Still only two songs, but it took a lot of whittling to get down to that!

No matter. The person I *really* made it for loved it. :)

We spent most of the day being lazy and letting Micah watch a lot of his favorite Blue's Clues.

But when Daddy got home we had our promised festivities of chili dogs for dinner and cake pops and ice cream for dessert!

He was ready for cake pops!

Iiiiii'llll taaaaake THIS one!

My kids are fans of cake pops, suffice it to say.

Annika is going to think birthdays are always three times in a month.

What?!? No BIRTHDAY next week? But where will I get my ice cream?!?

We will beg someone into sugaring us up. Who can resist these eyes?

At his special dinner he said, "Thank you EVERYONE for my birthday!" :)

Happy birthday to my special little Micah! I sure hope you felt the love today, little man!